~DeSpeRate~

Thank you all for visiting me, buying me flowers, and stuffs. Understand that you care. Went for coffee & caught a movie with Jaslin today, been quite some time since the both of us went out.

It's also been a couple of weeks since I went out for a breather... Do I sound like I'm down with some kind of depression or emotional breakdown? Well, maybe or probably a mild case of the above mentioned. Always find myself at the brink of tears at the slightest talk with people, or weep uncontrollably in the shower.

What the f***... When can I get this blardy load off my chest? Maybe I worry too much. But that's just because I am very certain of who I am and nobody knows me better than I know myself. I absolutely CANNOT play multiple roles at this point of time and I must emphasis, these are the major roles in the lives of all human race.

You might think otherwise, you might think that I'm still immature, you might be cursing and swearing under your breath saying that I'm just being unreasonable and it's one of my moodswings again. I might have scared you when I tried to hurt myself the other day, it was an act of desperation because I am at my ends, HOW AM I GONNA MAKE PEOPLE UNDERSTAND?!?! To make YOU understand??!!

You've been trying your best, doing all that you can just to make me feel better, cheer me up, show me the brighter side of the world. But that's not what I need. I don't need someone to cheer me up, tell me jokes, make me laugh. I just need somebody who can FEEL what I'm feeling.

Oh and yes, I am no longer who I used to be... I can never be cheerful again. Some friends used to ask me, "How come you are always so hyper-active and full of joy?" Look at me now. I don't know who I am now... I'm sobbing as I am typing this... I am just not going to be me anymore.

Thanks Jas, I'll call the professionals who might be in a better position to help me be but not yet. Sorry, I know I shouldn't procrastinate but just let me be for the time being. Just let me be.